If there were such a catgegory in the Guinness Book of Records (and there might well be- dafter things are in there), the 'cello section of the Grimsby Symphony Orchestra would have a legitimate claim to the status of 'Oldest 'Cello Section in the World'.

The group of six retirees has a combined age of between 450 and 500 years (the approximation is necessary because of the reluctance of some of the distaff side to reveal their exact dates of birth) and have been playing the 'cello for at least four hundred of those years.

The doyenne of this superannuated band is Daisy Turner (aged 90), the wife of the orchestra's former Music Director, Neville Turner.  Despite her playing ability, Daisy claims she only got into the orchestra because she was sleeping with Neville, but her capabilites and his blameless demeanour belie that.)

The section is led by Joan 'Past Her Sell by' Date, who, like Daisy: has been a member of the orchestra for over forty-five years, and is completed by Jane Powell (of interdeterminate vintage, but definately not the one from 'Seven Brides for Seven Brothers'), Sue Blott (77), Martyn Pidgen (80) and Terry Morgan (also 80).  (Daisy's claim (see above) also applies to Terry, but in his case is true; he is the talent-deficient partner of Susan Grant, the orchestra's current Musical Director).

If the section had a theme song, it would be 'the Oldest 'Cello Section in the World', which all of the section members sang in the cradle.

Our application for the title will be in the post tomorrow.

Written by Terry Morgan.

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